don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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