I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
