Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
