so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
