At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
