i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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