Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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