since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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