if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
