I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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