Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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