she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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