do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
