had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
