Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
