K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
