She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
