Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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