if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
