I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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