Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
