Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
