Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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