i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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