We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
