Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize