no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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