Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.