I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sober January is a disaster.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...