So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.