Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.