shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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