it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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