I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
