I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We are two peas in an std pod
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
