watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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