I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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