Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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