he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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