so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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