they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
