I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
