We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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