I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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