I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
