I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
