im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
