His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
