maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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