i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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