he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
