Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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