Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
