What a fucking waste of an outfit
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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