people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
