yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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