Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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