In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
