We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Where is the hickey?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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