Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
