on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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