I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life is so much better after having sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
