I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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