Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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