So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
