i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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