I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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