i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
