I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
