The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
