By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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