operation harelip BJ is a go
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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