I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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