If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want her autograph on my taint
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize